June 2, 2022

People frequently state during their MIAM assessment meeting that they were told not to seek Mediation Plymstock if their ex-spouse is a "narcissist." Nowadays, narcissism has become something of a buzzword, yet laypeople cannot detect it in others.

However, dealing with an ex-spouse who appears "narcissistic" may be incredibly difficult when it comes to divorce, and this can also be the case throughout the Mediation Plymstock process. The adversarial character of court can play into the narcissistic urge to 'win' at any costs, despite the fact that many individuals believe court is the only choice in these situations. At the MIAM evaluation, it is the mediator's responsibility to indicate the less well-known paths to a settlement, which frequently allow the 'narcissistic' spouse to believe they have 'won' while the other partner receives the relief from the emotional rollercoaster that they tend to value most. In these situations, The Family Mediation Plymstock Trust frequently proposes hybrid mediation.

Transitional Mediation:

This approach differs from typical Mediation Plymstock in that the mediator is able to maintain certain confidences. If the clients reveal to the mediator their desired outcome and any concessions they are willing to make, the mediator can determine what is essential to each client. For instance, if a victim is satisfied with an agreement that falls at the bottom of the range that a judge would order, believing that as long as it falls within the range, they would prefer to have their life back and move on, the mediator can hold this information while determining what the 'narcissistic' partner is seeking in order to feel like a winner. If the narcissistic partner believes he or she has prevailed, the separation may have fewer negative consequences for the children. This can have a significant impact on the health of children for the balance of their childhood and into adulthood. In hybrid Mediation Plymstock, each party can have their attorney present, either in the mediation session itself, in a Zoom breakout room, or at the end of the phone, to provide assistance during the session. This might feel reassuring and encouraging to individuals healing from narcissistic abuse by a former spouse.

When dealing with a narcissistic spouse, if mediation fails to settle some or all of the difficulties, it is frequently beneficial to seek impartial evaluation or arbitration, especially if the parties have been able to narrow the concerns through Mediation Plymstock.

Neutral Evaluation:

Using this at the commencement of a case with a competent arbitrator or counsel can cost between £1,500 and £2,000, but it can be money well spent if there is a thorny legal issue that has to be evaluated and unbiased advice would provide enough information to put an issue to rest. Given the novelty of these new modes of dispute resolution, the 'narcissistic' spouse is frequently attracted to them and the associated suggestion that being an early adopter makes one "special."


If Mediation Plymstock has failed and the confrontational element of court can be minimised, it is typically preferable to refer clients to arbitration. It can be a more confined procedure than court, especially if mediation has narrowed the concerns.

There is, of course, the option of traditional mediation with both parties present during meetings, so long as the mediator feels in control of the process. However, the need to communicate everything spoken during shuttle mediation can lead to complications, as the narcissist may attempt to 'gaslight' the mediator, as he or she may have done with the previous spouse.

Our mediators at Family Mediation Choice Service are qualified and equipped to deal with narcissistic clients, and they will direct clients to the solutions that best fit their situation.

Contact a Mediator in Plymstock today on 03300 100 309 

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